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Syndicated columnist
Q: My husband, a manager, would like to find a new job. We were downsized. We worked with some headhunters who got us nowhere. I sent off an e-mail to one employer saying that we really wanted to move to the area and wondered if he could just let us know where we stood. We keep getting rejected. Can you help us? Can you recommend some good headhunters?
NICK'S REPLY: Sorry, I don't recommend specific headhunters. But your problem is not what you think it is. I deal with people's professional lives, not their relationships with their spouses. Sometimes, however, a spouse crosses that line and the results can be disastrous.
I have seen acute spousal interference hurt many job hunters. This is when the spouse gets too involved in the job search: We were downsized. We worked with some headhunters. I sent off an e-mail. Can you help us?
You were not downsized; your husband was. We're not trying to get a job; your husband is. No headhunter ever interviewed both of you. You are interfering with your husband's job search, and it's hurting you both.
It's wonderful when one spouse is supportive of the other's career. But a company is not hiring the two of you. When a spouse intrudes this way, employers worry about inappropriate influence at work from home. I have rejected candidates because of spousal interference. It reveals a personal weakness on the part of the job candidate that can affect work. Your husband needs to sweetly ask you to back off. He is a professional who stands alone at work without you. There could be many reasons why he has been rejected -- don't be one of them.
Let your spouse manage his job search. If a company calls at home and you answer the phone, do not say "we" or refer to "us." Take a message, and let your spouse do the talking. Discuss your husband's career with him any way the two of you see fit. But from now on leave his interactions with employers and headhunters entirely up to him.
THE HEADHUNTER TIP:
Be picky.
Last year I had dinner with Dick Bolles, whose book "What Color Is Your Parachute?" has sold 10 million copies through its 39th edition. It's called "the job hunter's bible" not just because Dick was an Episcopal priest when he first self-published edition No. 1, but because Dick has spent more time teaching career change than anyone on the planet. He thinks about it deeply and broadly, and his ideas have affected a lot of lives. During this wonderful meal with Dick at a very good restaurant, we talked about life, love, faith and making choices. Since I'm another guy who spends a lot of time thinking about how people deal with job change, I asked Dick a question that always circulates in my mind: What's the biggest mistake people make when changing jobs?
Dick instantly responded: "I know the answer to that question. They're not picky enough."
Copyright 2009. Distributed by Universal Press Syndicate
Nick Corcodilos is author of "Ask The Headhunter: Reinventing the Interview to Win the Job" and the host of www.asktheheadhunter.com. He can be reached by e-mail at seattle@asktheheadhunter.com or at North Bridge Group, P.O. Box 600, Lebanon, NJ 08833. Sorry, no personal replies.
Read more: Ask the Headhunter , Job hunt , Professional etiquette
By misssy on September 15, 2009 5:54 AM
I wonder if he still says that now. People are losing their homes and have children to feed. I don't think being picky enters into it any longer.
By Resident Iconoclast on September 18, 2009 5:47 PM
If I sold 10 million copies, in 39 editions, of one book, then I surely would be quite picky.
Mr. Bolles is out of touch. Most people do not have the luxury of telling that moron they might work for that his company doesn't cut it.
Have you ever said, "You're fired!" to YOUR boss?
By Anon on November 18, 2009 9:37 PM
I think the commenters misunderstand. Mr. Bolles isn't saying be picky if you're unemployed. People interview for a job, any job, because they're dissatisfied or bored. They accept without researching, checking to see if the new company would be a better fit than the old. When you're not picky, you apply anywhere and take any job, regardless of whether it's a better fit than the one you currently have; you end up in jobs which are a poor fit, you end up miserable and you end up looking for another job again quickly. Be picky about the jobs for which you apply and interview, and you're likely to be happier in the job, with more opportunities for job satisfaction and advancement.