Writing your own reference letter: a disservice to all, or just business as usual?

Q: A boss you worked for two companies ago likes and respects you and is glad to give you a good recommendation as you apply for a new job. But when you request a reference letter, she instructs you to write it -- and then she will sign it. Is it OK to do this?

Nick's reply: Is it OK if you write your own recommendation or reference letter and let your former boss sign it? What does that say about you? About your boss?

I've discussed this important topic several times in the Ask The Headhunter Newsletter and on my blog. The volume of comments from readers has been great, and I want to help more people think about this.

A boss who -- when asked if she will write a recommendation -- tells the individual to write his own reference letter so the boss can sign it is irresponsible. She's disrespecting her own company, the employee and the entire business community. A manager somewhere will read that reference and base a hiring decision on it -- at least in part. It makes me wonder, is this where some crummy hires come from?

There are legitimate ways for an employee to make the letter-writing task a bit easier for the boss, and to reasonably influence the result without compromising everyone involved. For example, you might provide your former boss with a factual list of accomplishments to remind her how you performed when you worked for her. But a manager signing off on your judgments as though they are her own -- that undermines business at a fundamental level.

Most Ask The Headhunter readers who have responded to my past columns got their hackles up over this topic. One said his former boss did this routinely, and called him "a feckless loser." One said the failure of managers to actually take the time to write a reference is "another example of the general malaise that exists in corporate America. It is like a cancer that is spreading exponentially." Many readers have pointed to an underlying management problem. One expressed it very simply: "Not only is it deceitful, but it's also lazy and bad management practice."

But one reader says this is just how business is done and chided me for not accepting it:

"I spent 25 years in corporate roles, including leadership at executive levels, and 10 years in my own business. I would guess that from what I have seen, 90 percent of reference letters are written by the person for their boss who then edits and signs it. This is neither counterfeiting nor is it fraud. It is actually how a great amount of this type of business gets done in a timely manner. I personally believe you are being inflexible. Perhaps you have been a bit far removed from the corporate world."

Perhaps bosses who play this game with references have been in the corporate world too long. If 90 percent of people write their own references, then 90 percent of people are behaving unethically. My opinion wouldn't change if 100 percent were doing it. Consider how often we encounter news about little frauds enabling big frauds in business. Do we really need more little frauds?

Either managers have high standards and uphold the value of their word, or they don't. Managers who rationalize "the little stuff" graduate to misrepresent the big stuff, and that's how bad stuff happens. Maybe that really is how 90 percent of business is done.

So my answer to this Challenge is to pose a choice to you. Do you want to contribute to lax ethical standards, or do you want to strengthen your relationships with ethical managers who are glad to provide honest references for you?

I'll turn this around and ask managers: When you hire someone, do you know where his references come from?

Copyright 2009. Distributed by Universal Press Syndicate

Nick Corcodilos is author of "Ask The Headhunter: Reinventing the Interview to Win the Job" and the host of www.asktheheadhunter.com. He can be reached by e-mail at seattle@asktheheadhunter.com or at North Bridge Group, P.O. Box 600, Lebanon, NJ 08833. Sorry, no personal replies.