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Yesterday a writer pal working at a neighborhood café posted the following as her Facebook status:
"The bizspeak happening at the next table is making my ears bleed."
Wondering what catchphrases had set her off, my brain quickly brimmed with sentences like:
"Let's leverage this."
"I don't have the bandwidth for that."
"So what are my action items?"
"Can we take this offline?"
Well aware of American workers' disdain for such corporate gobbledygook, the survey-happy folks at Accountemps asked 150 senior executives from 1,000 of the country's largest companies for their most hated business buzzwords. Among the top offenders:
Game changer. As in, "Moving from products to solutions was a game changer for us."
Disconnect. As in, "There's a disconnect between what our consumers want and our product offers."
Value-add. As in, "We need to evaluate the value-add of this before we spend more time on it."
And perhaps the most dreaded on-the-job jargon of workers nationwide:
Circle back. As in, "I'll be in meetings all morning, but I'll circle back with you later."
But let's not forget the recessionspeak fatigue we're all suffering from too. I know I can't be the only one who hits the ceiling every time she hears the phrases "given the economy," "worst economic crisis since the Great Depression," and "survivor's guilt."
As for the executives Accountemps polled, their most-hated recession lingo included terms like "restructuring," "downsizing," "bailout," "pay freeze," "gloom and doom," "overworked," and the annoyingly euphemistic "do more with less."
Readers, how about you? What corporate catchphrases make you die a little on the inside when you hear them used outside the workplace? What recession clichés do you hope to never hear again for the rest of your living days?
Freelance writer Michelle Goodman is the author of "My So-Called Freelance Life" and "The Anti 9-to-5 Guide." E-mail her at ninetothrive@nwjobs.com.
By Liz on October 2, 2009 10:56 AM
"think outside the box" is the most uncreative phrase in existence.
By jhoysi on October 2, 2009 11:00 AM
"Low-hanging fruit." Sends shivers down my spine every time I hear it.
By Lisa on October 2, 2009 11:30 AM
More an email phrase, but "Attached, please find..." drives me insane. It sounds so pretentious; like you have to be wearing a monocle to write it and be taken seriously.
By Nic on October 2, 2009 11:46 AM
"Budget Crisis" and "Numbers Game"
jump to mind. Ugh. My budget crisis at home is making it a real numbers game when I decide to by Bud Light or craft brews.
By Susan on October 2, 2009 11:51 AM
"I'll ping you." Makes me feel like someone's going to throw a marble at my head. Ugh!
By Dating Amy on October 2, 2009 12:19 PM
I think what's even more grating is using emotional, relationshippy language in business: "Thank you so much for *reaching out to us*, but no, we don't want to hire you.
By Kristen on October 2, 2009 12:20 PM
"I don't have the bandwidth". Endemic to the tech world. My 12 years at MSFT are showing. I deeply apologize.
By E Smith on October 2, 2009 4:20 PM
"tabling"
I hate the word "tabling" when people use it meaning to set up a table outside of an event to give out information.
'we need three people on Tuesday, we'll be tabling the conference'
Drives me nuts.
By rana on October 3, 2009 10:10 AM
when someone asks 'what keeps you awake at night' urg...
By Grant on October 3, 2009 9:32 PM
Using "task" as a verb (example: "Let's task her with follwing up...")
Also, I heard the terms "proactive" and "synergy" (and even "oneness"!) so many times at my former employer, I hope I never hear them again!
By karen on October 4, 2009 9:44 PM
"bottom line", "at the end of the day", "glide path", trajectory, "lipstick on a pig", "results driven", "swim lanes", "head winds"
By Tracey C on October 4, 2009 11:58 PM
"Own your part of the work." When my manager is using that phrase combined with "but, if you produce x in output numbers then you'll see x bonus..." and then THEY were the only ones to see bonuses - for 2 years of my life that I worked at that particular company...
I grew to HATE working for them after 6 months of fake promises like that, and I get very suspicious if I hear a manager use that phrase 10 years later.
By Celia on October 5, 2009 5:25 AM
Level Set, as in "We're going to schedule a meeting to level set." I work at Boeing and everybody uses that term. It drives me nuts, and I vowed never to use.
By Seattlite on October 5, 2009 11:09 AM
Ug! i hate finding myself even thinking about saying these. "Putting out fires" "managing workload" "level of effort" oh goodness..
By Mary on October 11, 2009 10:55 AM
I will reach out and dialogue with them about the issue! OMG, I hate both. Why not say, " I will call and talk with them about the issue."
By Heidi on October 13, 2009 9:28 PM
"Silo," as in "We need share information more instead of everyone being in their own little silo." Also can be used in the past tense, aka, "siloed."
My office is especially bad with shortening words. "Perf," (instead of "perfect") makes my skin literally crawl.
By (Another) Heidi on October 15, 2009 1:02 PM
"Work smarter not harder" is just as condescending now as it was in the '80s. Not only is it irritating, it's grammatically incorrect. I hated it then, and I still hate it now.
However, I loved reading this column and what others contributed to this discussion... I thought I had it bad. Misery loves company! Now, back to "growing" my project. (Another irritant - only plants and animals grow!)